Who's the Boss?

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My 16-year-old daughter explained it like this: you don't need to be THE boss. You need to be A boss. In my current state of self-reflection, that's a pretty liberating concept.

Here's the backstory ... I am currently in a position at my work that I was not actually hired for. I was hired to be the second-in-command, not the Captain. However, the Captain walked out with little notice right before the school year started, and so now I am the Captain AND the second-in-command. (We never hired for the position I was originally hired for. I am doing both roles simultaneously.)

And while I theoretically love a challenge, this one has been (to quote a former boss and mentor) "more than a notion". I don't love being the boss of my department because that role requires a lot of spreadsheets and endless meetings, Board reports, etc. I don't mind building a team, setting the tone, and spearheading initiatives. That part I enjoy. I like people! The job I was originally hired for is to interact more with families and students, and I really am a "people person" so this role was a great fit. Doing both jobs at the same time just means I am forever feeling like I am not doing either one all that well.

And ... when I wish I wasn't in charge (and just had the job I was originally hired for), I question my motivation. Why don't I want to be in charge? It's not that I don't want to steer the ship ... it's that I hate spreadsheets. And meetings. And somehow that equals being in charge. Not sure why the person who is actually good with people is a secondary role? I guess that's a reflection of our society and what we value. That's for a different journey.

When I am wishing I had my old job back, I feel like I am letting down Alice Paul and Gloria Steinem. They fought -- like physically, mentally and institutionally -- to make a way for me to even be THE Boss. And I am grateful! But each day, I wish someone else was responsible for crunching data. And then I remember that I am getting paid significantly more to crunch data than I did when I was simply responsible for being good with people. (Again -- a comment on our society.) As I contemplate a major life shift of being on my own ... I need the income. But I crave joy and life/work balance. 

So I took my feelings to my girls. They are wise beyond their years. My 19-year-old responded with: "Mom, I don't want to ever work at all, so don't beat yourself up. Work to live don't live to work. Make some money and travel. Then work some more and travel again." (This daughter is currently in Australia for a semester of chasing summer.) 

My 16-year-old said, "Mom. The idea is to be A boss at whatever you want to do. You do not have to be THE boss. Pick what you want to do and then kill it. Do it with all your heart and soul. Be A boss. Don't worry about your title. Nobody cares. It's about being happy."

What smart girls I am raising! I think Alice and Gloria would be proud.


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